Love

Initially I was thinking of writing this for my daughters. Since my oldest two are starting to date, I wanted to make them a map of sorts. Then I realized that it’s something I wish I had seen at any point in my life before finding my husband. It is becoming more common for women to be in abusive relationships, or maybe we’re just talking about it more. Abuse comes in MANY forms. I am no expert aside from my own personal experiences.

The most important thing is to know what you deserve and to not accept anything less. Never accept less than what you give. Don’t stay where you’re not appreciated. If they’ve changed drastically from when you first started dating chances are very good that the person they are now is the real them. Don’t stay hoping and wishing they will magically become who they were, or who you want them to be.

My platform has never nor will it ever focus on the negative. I am all about spreading positivity and trying to better anyone and everyone’s day and life in general. With that in mind we aren’t going to discuss the abuse or the red flags. Instead I am shifting this to be about all of the things you should wait for. (In no particular order)

Wait for the man/woman who feels safe for you to be yourself around. The one that doesn’t judge you for saying the wrong thing. The one who doesn’t think that girls don’t fart or poop for that matter. (Everyone does) They will make you feel beautiful while you are bare faced and in comfy clothes. They will make you feel like the most special person in the world, not only with their words, but with their actions as well.

Wait for the man/woman that lets you use the power tools because they foster your empowerment. They will also let you drive the car…even if it’s an awesome rental that your name isn’t on. They don’t belittle you ever. They understand that you can do ANYTHING they can do, and possibly better.

Wait for the man/woman that teaches you things without being condescending. They will want you to learn new things that interest you and will revel in the way your brain works.

Wait for the man/woman that acknowledges your intelligence. This one is HUGE!!! If they cannot admit that you may actually be more intelligent than them, they are not the one. We all say some not so smart things sometimes. That would never lower their view of your intelligence. They will simply laugh with you.

Wait for the man/woman that makes time for you. It sounds simple, but in some relationships the time isn’t dedicated to foster growth. In others it may only be one sided where one person has to sacrifice their time, money, or gas to see their significant other.

Wait for the man/woman that appreciates everything you do. They don’t take you for granted. They show their gratitude often and let you know that they see the things you do. Do the same for them.

Wait for the man/woman that understands that 50/50 is ideal, but not always the case. Life just isn’t 50/50. There are days your significant other will be tired, or sick, hell, even sick and tired. There’s no way you can expect them to pull their 50% of the relationship. They physically won’t be able to make you feel like the most important person in the world. You pick up the slack. You take care of dinner, the dishes or laundry, even if that’s their portion. When you’re sick they need to pick up the slack as well. It’s the only way to get through the tough times.

Wait for the man/woman that is patient and understanding. I believe these go hand in hand. I have never met someone who had one, but lacked the other. I have, however, met plenty of people who have lacked both entirely. Stay away from those people.

Wait for the man/woman that is your biggest fan. It doesn’t matter what you do in life, your significant other should always root you on and support you in your choices. There should never be ultimatums or telling you that you have to do something. Your life is yours to live. As long as you are living it in a way that is beneficial to your self, love, and family, your choices are yours to make.

Wait for the man/woman that makes you laugh. Like REALLY laugh. Life is too short to be afraid to laugh loudly. The moments that tears fall from your eyes and your ab muscles hurt because of how hard you’re laughing is rare. Savor them to every drop. The moment will pass. If you get dirty looks, those aren’t your people, stay away from them as well!

They’ll never see the significance in these things. They will simply think this is what you do for the one you love. That is true, but it’s so much more than that.

When you find the person who does all of these things treat them and the relationship with the understanding of the rarity of this. I strongly believe that there is someone out there for everyone. No one is meant to be alone. You have to be open to love and be ready to do all of the things above as well. Love is the greatest gift anyone can give.

I could list so many more things here, but maybe that will just have to be a part two. For now, this is a very good start. I’m sending light and love to everyone, I wish for you all to find the person that treats you the way you deserve!

Much Love,

J.S. Wik