Accountability V.S. Guilt

I am all for accountability & taking responsibility. At one point, however, (maybe several points) I felt guilt while taking accountability. I felt that in order to be accountable for what I had done I needed to feel immense guilt. Never did I take into consideration any outside factors that lead to my decisions. They would just become excuses…right?

Wrong. They are not excuses. Rather, they are reasons. If your actions were for the betterment of your life because of something negative happening to you or the betterment of your family because of something negative, you have every right to do what needs to be done and should not in any way feel guilty. I believe this is the reason most women stay in abusive relationships – they are taking responsibility for everything their partner refuses to or blames them for and then feels guilty for being the cause of it. Even when they are not. This goes for all types of abuse.

When someone fails to accept responsibility or accountability for their mistakes I no longer feel safe with that person. I will limit their access to me and my loved ones without even thinking. It is not a trustworthy attribute. I have come to realize that I do not in any way shape or form want anyone in my life that has not gotten out of the destructive energy.

There are times when guilt can disguise itself as anger. Anger is really a disguise for many feelings as shown below. I know that when I am hurt it tends to show as anger, I must take a breath and realize that my feelings are hurt and that is why I’m reacting in this way. Then, to not react, but to wait until I am able to authentically communicate my feelings in a way that both explains what I am feeling and why, in hopes for understanding.

Getting yourself out of the guilt state of mind is crucial to growth. You will have difficulties moving forward if you are feeling guilty over the past. Not everything is yours to take accountability of either. Often times we take on burdens that are not ours to carry to lighten the load of a friend. Noble yes, practical no.

Much Love,

J.S. Wik

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